"I feel more like a stranger each time I come home."

This is going to sound hackneyed (But, a wise man once told me that the things that are most cliche are the most true--this is why they're cliche.): Now, I have two homes, but no place feels like home. I stayed up nights thinking about San Diego--my friends, my family, the weather, the food--and when I finally arrived, I felt weird; I felt foreign. I suppose everything was just as I'd left it, but it didn't feel normal anymore. Coming from a lifestyle riddled with confusion, certainty was a bit unsettling. But it did have its perks. I could customize food orders. I could read road signs and be certain if the people behind me were actually mocking me. I felt stretched thin at every social event. All my friends wanted to know the same questions: "How's Korea?" or "Hey, how's Korea treating you?" and even, "Hey man, how are you liking Korea?" My answers mustn't have been zany enough to remember. I love most of my friends. I shouldn't be complaining, really.

Part of me thinks I should consult my sister before doing this, but it's three in the morning on the West Coast, so I'll take the low road. I went home to the States mainly for my sister's wedding. You see, a lot of people were counting on me to give a brilliant speech and I didn't have anything else going on that particular weekend. Brilliance may not be accurate, but I delivered my best:

August 14, 2009
Brother of the Bride Speech Manuscript

Good Evening.

My name is Andrew and I’m the younger brother of the bride.

This speech is called: “What you can write on your flight to Sacramento the day before your sister’s wedding. Just kidding. Haha. No, but seriously.”

I’ve known my sister for as long as I can remember. Rumor has it she used to stand above my crib and sing lullabies to me and say, “Hello, little brother. I can’t wait to talk to you.” She would say progressively less cute things to me as we grew into our teenage years. She was born with a full head of hair—a halo of sorts—and by the age of two was having full on conversations with strangers in hotel lobbies. Again, this is what I’ve been told about my sister. I’ve been told that she is a great student and a loving girlfriend.

What I know about my sister is she has always been a great example for me…of what not to do. Take up a musical instrument? Not doing that. Join the marching band? Not doing that either. Go to UCSD? Naaaah. Become a social science major? Heck no! Watch countless hours of bad reality TV to escape my mind numbing everyday? Okay, we both do that. In fact, I’m coming clean. I’ve pretty much replicated my sister’s exact footsteps until she went to law school and I decided to move to Korea.

There’s this Korean proverb that says, “A matchmaker who makes a bad match deserves a slap in the face.” Fortunately for them this thing worked out, or Johno would have to go shopping for a new computer monitor.

In preparation for this speech, I kept on being haunted by this lurking question. One that I thought I should address. And that is, “What is love?” Not the Haddaway song. But real love. So, after many fruitless hours of pondering, I decided to do what any bright, resourceful person would do: I asked Ask.com—of course the ultimate authority on all matters of the heart. I typed in the keyword “love,” pressed Enter and accepted the top search result as absolute Bible. And surprisingly enough, I thought I got a pretty insightful breakdown of it. Thanks Ask.com. This is what “SelfCreation.com” had to say about love.

Basic Components of Love

Love is Accepting.

Acceptance is labeling someone as "okay" and having no particular desire to change them. Who they are is perfectly fine with you. You pose no condition on whether you will love them or not. This is called unconditional love. When your love IS conditional, the moment they step outside your set of conditions, love evaporates.

Love is Appreciating.

Appreciation is one step beyond acceptance. It’s when your focus is on what you like about another. We look at them and feel this sweeping appreciation for who they are, their joy, their insights, their humor, their companionship, etc. When someone says they are "in love" with another, they mean their appreciation is so enormous for this person that it consumes their every thought.

Love is Wanting Another to Feel Good.

We want those we love to be happy, safe, healthy, and fulfilled. We want them to feel good in all ways, physically, mentally and emotionally.

Myself, I know nothing about what makes a marriage work or last or how to make the perfect tuna casserole. So, I can only rely on what I read on the Internet or hear in silly emo songs. But I can tell you what I do know. This was written by a close friend of mine and I thought I’d share it with you:

Love is real

It is not just in novels or the movies

It is fact

And it is standing here right in front of you

So if you open your eyes

Oh what a sweet discovery

There is hope, and there is joy, and there is acceptance.

Love is real

It is not just in long distance commercials

Or something that you thought you felt back in high school

Love is real

It is not just in poetry and stories

It is truth, and it will follow you

Everywhere you go from now on

So if you'd just cast off your doubt

Then your lips would answer for you

Oh my darling, when you smile, it is like a song

And I can hear it now.

I can hear it now. -CO


So, all things considered, going home was almost dreamlike. It was strange to be suddenly in the presence of everything I had missed for 8 months - my friends, my family, Mexican food, English. But despite these familiar comforts, I felt like I was missing my other home the entire time. I missed the children waving "hi" to me in the street on my way to work. I missed the green of the rice fields. I missed having a secret language that only my friends and I could understand. I missed my students. I missed sitting home alone in the quiet of my apartment. I loved being home, but leaving Korea made me realize that I only had a few more precious months left, before I'm back to everything I understand. Everything I've already processed. Every flavor I've already tasted. I realized that my time in Korea is invaluable and I shouldn't squander it by wishing I was somewhere else. I am where I am and I need to live where I stand.